So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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