Porn is love you can see.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
