Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
