Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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