Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Too much gin, very little bucket
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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