Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Michael Bay diarrhea
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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