Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
