i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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