Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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