i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
