I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
