Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
