There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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