my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
