How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
