dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
