Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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