just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
