i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
