he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Someone came in the potted fern
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
