Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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