Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
