ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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