haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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