It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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