When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
