you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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