I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
