i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
