4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
