Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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