i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
