There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
