Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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