so let's talk penis.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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