i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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