i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
