I hate all girls vehemently.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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