I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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