The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
