she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
