I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
