I bet he comes in French.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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