I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
