No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
