Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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