I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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