I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
