omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
