Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
