you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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