If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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