The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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